


smoke and mirrors

by orphan_account



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: F/F, light mentions of other pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-01 20:57:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1048495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a long time since Kyouko's felt anything for anyone else and that's not about to change.<br/>Or, alternatively, the two times Kyouko lied about her feelings and the one time she didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. red flag

She can try as she likes to call her stupid, or an idiot or something akin to that, but deep down, she knows that's not what she means to call a girl falling deeper down the hole of despair, losing the amount of hope and integrity she has to tragedy.  
To be fair, Kyouko once had hope like that, integrity that could be well matched to Sayaka's, but when she started to lose hers, it never hit her as hard as it hit Sayaka. Sayaka was drowning in the tragedy that kept flooding her. No one understood better than Kyouko, for she had made a wish for the sake of someone else, too. But maybe that was a lie, too, because Kyouko was too frustrated to consider someone else's values at that point. Her judgement was clouded. And even had she not been so angry, things wouldn't have changed. And that was where the line was drawn between her and Sayaka.  
Sayaka was too smart, too pretty for something like that to happen to her.  
And that's why Kyouko had been rooting for her.  
She placed this unbelieveable sense of hope in Kyouko that was seriously confusing. Too much of Kyouko went into hating hope. How could one person change all of that in a few seconds?  
That's when Kyouko lays all her feelings bare to herself. God, she hasn't done that in a long time.  
It hits her like a car, that time.  
But she lies about to herself.  
No.  
She doesn't love Sayaka Miki.  
What. A. Fucking. Joke.  
Feelings such as love and trust should've died when the rest of her stupid morals! This is stupid and she's not going to do this right now.  
No, today she'll talk to Sayaka about her father, about her wish. About how stupid she was and about how Sayaka couldn't be understood more by anyone else.  
Throughout it, though, she'll have to lie about it - it being her feelings.  
Kyouko chuckles dryly. How stupid of her to lie about something like this. Daddy would never let her get away with lying on this serious of matter. But that sucks for daddy. Kyouko gave up on the truth a long time ago.  
Sayaka was a being that Kyouko was not worthy of. She had not given up, and therefore deserved someone so much better. (But was there anyone else better for her than Kyouko? Maybe she was hoping, as much as she hated to admit it. But she had done the same with Mami, and then she ran away. But maybe she wouldn't run away this time.)  
Whatever. Kyouko's concience could go suck it. No love was better than any.  
After all...  
It's been a long time since Kyouko's felt anything for anyone else and that's not about to change.


	2. liar, liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyouko Sakura doesn't cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a different world. The one with no witches, the one in which Madoka does not exist. Takes place during/after Sayaka exhausts her soul gem.

The first thing Kyouko felt was rage.  
She was such an idiot, fighting like that! How stupid was she, thinking she could fight like that and not use up all of her magic?  
The second thing she feels is pain.  
And it hit her like a car, this time too.  
They were so close to being friends. There was so much there, so much that could've happened between them.  
The only thing she can think is that idiot. That stupid fucking idiot. Why didn't she tell anyone she was low on magic?  
Kyouko tries to break that metal pole that's next to her.  
Rage.  
Blinding rage.  
Homura is on the ground, and Mami is so calm - and god how can she be so calm?  
Kyouko chuckles dryly at her next realization.  
If they had been friends, it would have been stronger, but there are pieces of her that love Sayaka. Pieces of Sayaka were so appealing and then it's all too painful and there's too much grief everywhere.  
Mami looks at Kyouko, in fear of what she had just realized that had come true. Mami had known, oh, yes, she certainly had. It was obvious.  
What Kyouko doesn't get it is why she's so beat up over this. Why she's the only one. But no one really knew Sayaka as much as she had, even if they hadn't been friends, at least, not great ones.  
A tear drips from her eye.  
Stop.  
Stop it, stupid, she thinks.  
And then there are more tears and it's all too much to bear because they won't stop and she hates it. She despises it so much.  
Kyouko Sakura doesn't cry. In her eyes, that shows she's weak, and tears are too messy, anyway. She hated crying.  
Mami's arms are around her, then, her hands running small, soothing circles on her back.  
"Shh," she whispers, "It'll be alright."  
But that's a lie because no, no, it won't be. She shouldn't be blubbering like a baby for a girl she barely knew. But the pain is so blistering it's unreal.  
"I know how you felt about her, Kyouko."  
"Th-that's dumb! I didn't have any opinion on that idiot!"  
"Really?"  
"Yeah! I barely knew that stupid girl! In fact, I almost hated her!"  
Liar.  
Liar.  
No. She's telling the truth.  
She did not love Sayaka Miki. What a stupid thought.  
It's been a long time since Kyouko's cared about someone in that way, and that wasn't about to change.


	3. white flag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing was as weird as raising her white flag in surrender of the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during Kyouko's death during Sayaka witch shit. I'm mad because my nook went ape shit and deleted this.

Oh. So this is what dying felt like.  
What a strange thought.  
Silly thoughts.  
Silly feelings.  
Silly girl.  
But who could she have asked? What did dying feel like?  
You couldn't ask anyone that. Those who had died were dead. They could not answer.  
When Mami had kicked the bucket - ahem, passed on - there had been no chance of asking her.  
But dying was weird.  
Nothing was as weird as raising her white flag in surrender of the truth.  
The truth of admitting her love for Sayaka.  
These thoughts had helped her through dying.  
That, and her whispered confession.

.x.x.

They meet when their souls disappear.  
Sayaka is a mermaid, Kyouko is herself.  
Kyouko strokes Sayaka's cheek, wiping tears and sweat and salt away, and Sayaka simply gets it. She gets the feelings, the confusion, the pain.  
Overboard emotions happen - Kyouko's not sure what happens.  
They disappear after whatever happens happens.  
It's so weird to let her guard down like this. Nothing had felt so awkward as letting her guard down, lettung her prior ideals slip back.  
But after all...  
It's been a while since Kyouko has felt anything for anyone and that had changed.

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished this series and help  
> Send help


End file.
